Many people have e-mailed me to ask a common question about eating in Italian restaurants. The question concerns what type of sauce they should request with their pasta. You might think that this is a simple matter, but you would be wrong. I kid you not when I tell you that the type of sauce you order will determine your entire dining experience. No matter how fresh the pasta is (the best places do NOT use dried pasta), it is the sauce that will make or break it. But before I give you my humble opinion, let's discuss a little background on pasta sauce.
Basically, all pasta sauces are either cream or tomato based. For simplicity's sake, let's call them "red" or "white." Even when a sauce is described as "dripping with basil, oregano, and a hint of pomegranate oil," it must fall into either the red or white category. That is because the flour in most fine pasta needs a strong ingredient that will transfer its flavor. Pasta itself has very little taste. When we eat it, we are experiencing the texture more than anything else. However, when combined with a sauce based on a strong ingredient, the whole dish takes on and enhances the taste of the ingredient. Throughout history, the two ingredients that have been found to be the best at flavor transfer are cream and tomatoes.
Cream based sauces are extremely rich. They may contain all sorts of vegetables and even seafood. The problem I have with them is that unless they are used in very small quantities, they overpower the pasta and are simply too filling. After a fine meal, one should never feel the need to lie down and sleep. One should feel like talking a walk, slow dancing, or getting intimate with that special person. This will simply not happen if you insist on ordering pasta with a cream sauce.
Tomatoes contain an amino acid that actually acts as both a natural stimulant, a relaxant, and according to some, an aphrodisiac. Mark my word, you will have a great evening out if you go "red." And by the way, try not to order white wine with red pasta. Stick to a nice Merlot.
If you have ever suffered from an either short-term or long term digestive disorder, you know how bland your diet must be. After two weeks with a bad case of dysentery (are there any good cases?), I was getting to hate the thought of eating plain toast. Yet that was all I could eat. Even when a friend barbequed a piece of pita bread, it just wasn't all that exciting.
That's why I am so thrilled that more and more restaurants have section of their menus marked "For those who suffer." Typical listings include oatmeal, bananas, rice, and of course, toast. The food may be dull, but at least now when your friends are about to go out and have fun, you are not stuck in the bathroom reading "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" for the ninth time.
If you ask for the "Suffer" menu, most restaurants also have the good sense to seat you near the restroom. this is not just for your benefit. Too many waiters have fallen when colliding with ill people racing for the bathroom. Separate seating avoids all those problems.
And for dessert, the best places will offer an assortment of Pepto Bismol, Kaopectate, and the great, new "Stop It!" You can take your choice to finish the evening and make it home with no trouble.
Being sick is certainly no fun, but creative dining can make it interesting, to say the least.
